I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
