My room smells like vodka and shame
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
