So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
