Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
