people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
