and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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