I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I stole a fireplace last night.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
