You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
