you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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