I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize