Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
