Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
