I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
