I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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