and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
