my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
