Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize