I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
