Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
