I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
