I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
