you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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