i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
