new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
she pinky promised me she was 18
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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