Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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