Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize