So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
