yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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