ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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