So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
