your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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