i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
