Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
