I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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