why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The power of my boobs compel you
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
