lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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