It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
