I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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