Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize