do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
