i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
