I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Randomize
