last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I still have a little drunk in my system
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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