And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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