um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
