well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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