he wants to bone in the snuggie
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
