Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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