Can i not drive my cunt home
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
