New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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