soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize