dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
