if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
