I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize