why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
