my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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