I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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