you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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