um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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