i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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