I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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