I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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