I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
