i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize