I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
