i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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