Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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