She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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